INTO THE PAST WITH PAIN…92                                      Dr K Prabhakar Rao 

 

 

(Gandhi , Nehru and Patel are seen sitting at a road side tea point at Koti in Hyderabad and Gandhi is seen reading a news paper. They are as usual in their attire. Patel and Nehru are peeping into it.)

 

Gandhi. Yeah. To day budget is out.

 

Patel. Three cheers.

 

Nehru. Hoo. .Haaa..  I am sure people are screwed well by the finance guy.

 

Patel. Jawaharlal.  Do you react like this to budget? You were PM for 16 years and your finance minister presented budgets every year. You know, people expect a lot every time from the Finance minister. It is a tragedy that every time he ditches the people. Rich men are always benefited. Salaried classes are the worst sufferers in this game.

 

Nehru. So what? ( Gets up and sings doing  fast jig)

 

Budget is passed every year

Kindly know this as our right, oh my Dear

We are there surely to screw the country men

After working overnight with a pen.

 

The same foolish people elect us every time

For us this is a great fun and nice past time

The idiotic people of the nation are always taken for a ride

While we have very thick animal hide

 

Budget is government’s coveted arm

With this we surely fire to disarm

All will be bowled plumb overnight

Although they pose as if they are wise and bright

 

In fact no one knows about the finance

Only thing politicians consider people as great menace

Our aim is to stick to the chairs at all costs for full term

We always consider voters as mere germs

 

Please know at times a guy handles finance matter

Who can not count bundle of notes given in a platter

Such men also decide  lives of men in this nation

While poor struggle  for a days ration

 

(While doing jig, Nehru slips and falls. He sprains his ankle)

 

Nehru. Oh.. Bacho.. Save me.. My leg is broken.. Oh.. Ohfo.. Save me.

 

Patel. Come on Jawaharlal. Please do not make a scene. Nothing has happened to you. Your ankle will be soon alright. Apply some pain relieving ointment and take Brufen tablet in the night  after  dinner.

 

Gandhi. Patel. I am shocked the way Nehru sang. Is India so bad?. Please explain budget. My spectacles are not clean.

 

Patel. Ok Bapu. Sure. I am honored (shouts).You have  given me this  task atlesat after 60 years of independence.. Suno.. Suno ( Listen) . Come down here. Look into our new budget.. Good things to learn. You shall be wise. Or become a  garden mice

 

( Many  onlookers  rush to Patel and sit around him. The crowd slowly swells. Ramulu goud  , Seetha, Phirkiram, Chamcha singh,  Yadgiri, Pannalaal, Dhongu, Tiwari are among them)

 

Tiwari. Come on sir. We are itching to know.

 

Patel. Relax. Keep scratching fast. The first thing is  the government has taxed all bald guys. In India there are many bald guys. Out of every four guys there is one guy bald in India..

 

Yadgiri. Sir. What is the tax? Any how I am not bald. I am saved.

 

Patel.  All guys  who are completely bald have to pay  20 % of their gross income as Tax.

 

Yadgiri. Hee..hee. Is it possible to implement it? How they will make sure that some guy is bald?

 

Patel. They have given the method.  All guys have to take new PAN card now.  While taking photographs for PAN card the team present there will pull hair strongly and any one wearing wig will be known immediately. He has to take photo with his bald head. When he files a return the photo is compared and no one can escape.

 

Yadgiri. If any one grows hair on bald head after taking PAN card, then what happens?

 

Patel. Simple.  He has to take fresh photo and intimate IT dept. I tell you,  there are hardly any one  who got back hair after getting bald. Transplanatation is not recommended after 45years. Hee.. hee.. see my head. Bapus head, Nehrus head. We are all bald. Beautifully bald. ( sings and does jig )

 

Look at my head and shining plate

Which infact I really hate

When I was young I had great curly hair

All told me that  I was like Devanand and  very fair

 

( All guys laugh and clap)

 

Patel (continues to sing)

 

Look at Nehru’s head that  is bald and shines

I am sure he  rubs it every week  end with may wines

People say  inside he has great brain

Yet he  struggled thus  for years and  died invain

 

( Now the guys  get excited, get up and do fast jig while some do break dance.

Some shout Jayho.. Ganje. Long live the bald)

 

Patel. Enough of fun guys, let us see budget now further.

 

Nehru. What is next?

 

Patel. Petrol cost  and diesel cost are also increased  almost in same range. Earlier if Petrol was raised by Rs 5 , diesel went up by 2.50  or Rs 3.  They want to slowly reduce the gap. One day they will make both of equal price. All diesel cars  will be sold for half the price.

 

Tiwari. Now we find many rich guys are purchasing large and expensive diesel cars to save on fuel. They have to suck thumbs soon. ( sings)

 

They guys have to suck thumbs soon

While Indian cranks at ISRO want to go to moon

Their satellite has become a dead  orbit goose

While budget is every ones noose

 

Patel Hear…hear.. Very well sung friend. I greatly appreciate

 

Tiwari. Sir, whether you appreciate or depreciate, I have told the truth.

 

Gandhi. True. Well said.

 

Patel. Look here. A strange tax.

 

Nehru. What it is?

 

Patel. If you are married, who have to pay 13 % of your gross salary

 

Gandhi. Chee…cheee. What an Idea?

Nehru. How about Muslims? Will they pay 4 times because they can have 4 wives?

 

Patel. No .Muslims are exempted.

 

Gandhi. That is very good. In fact I wanted to go on fast till I die if they forced Muslims.

 

Patel. What is the use Bapu? You are already dead. You can not die again.

 

Gandhi. Ohfo. I forgot that I died.( Cries).eee..eeee. My wounds are  giving pain.. aa….aaa.. margaya

 

Patel. Bapu. Say hoi ram.. Hoi ram. That’s   what people believe you moaned after you were shot by Godse. I am not sure what you really said. Some say you said just. Uh.uh and died.

 

Gandhi. Come on Patel. Why bring Godse now and remind me?. eee…eee..aaaa.. it   is paining.

 

Patel. Listen. Listen. The most interesting tax now.

 

Gandhi. What is it?

 

Patel. Any one remaining bachelor after 30 years shall pay 25 % of their gross pay as tax.

 

Gandhi. Why this now?

 

Patel. The finance minister says by remaining bachelor,  he is enjoying much and some woman  unnecessarily being denied married life. So he must cough it off.

 

Seetha. This is very good. The guys will marry soon. I am trying to get married and I am not getting a groom.

 

Phirki Ram.  Saheb. What are other benefits?.

 

Patel. News for ladies. At all hospitals They will collect Rs 1000 as Tax for every  delivery for a woman. This is compulsory.Naturally hospitals collect this money from patients .

 

Seetha. Chee.. chee. Down  down  Finance minister down down

 

Phriki Ram. How about women  who deliver at homes in villages, some times in RTC buses, trains?

 

Patel.  They have to  pay tax  when  they collect birth certificates

 

Seetha. Is finance minister  mad?

 

Ramulu. Now I remember a  similar tax that was laid nearly 600 years ago in Telangana  area

 

Patel. That is interesting. What is this?

 

Ramulu. In the middle of 15 century,  The   coastal Andhra Belt was under the rule of Reddy kings. They were brave kings and poets too. They were always at war with Velama kings of Telangana and also the Vijaynagar kings. The last king of the dynasty was Racha vema Reddy. He ruled for  only 5 years. He introduced a tax  termed  Puriti sunkam meaning delivery tax as done by the finance minister now.

 

Gandhi. Hee…heee. Funny guy.  So the present attempt is not new and credit can not be given to the minister  was inventing this

 

Ramulu.  He collected this tax from one of his chieftains Balija Savaram Ellaih. He was much enraged and he planned and murdered the king at  Mutyalamma temple at Kondaveedu when king went there to see goddess.  With this Reddy  dynasty vanished. Vijay nagar kings invaded and occupied Reddy kingdom and it was  annexed.

 

Patel. What a tragedy?

 

Ramulu. God’s ways are very strange

 

Gandhi.  You  never know this tax may be removed. You know they are trying to pass women’s bill. If it is through do you think  govt  will collect delivery tax?

 

Patel. We never know. They may think it as a family planning  move   to discourage pregnancies in country.

 

Gandhi. ( holds head) Ohfo. The guys in govt appear mad.( Cries) eee..eee.. Have I brought freedom to see this day? Aaa.aaa….

 

Patel. Please do not cry.  No one in India now think that you brought them freedom.  They think you are one among some. In fact they are un happy that you created Pakistan and accepted it.

 

Ganhi. Is it necessary to discuss those old things?

 

Patel. I told this because you  said so.

 

Nehru. Patel. Better leave Bapu and old things.

 

Gandhi. Any thing more special in budget?

 

Patel.. Bapu. This paper is not complete. Next page is missing.   Enough for today

 

Gandhi. We can not do any thing without the next page.

 

Patel. Ok Gentle men. Please come tomorrow and I shall have the next page. I shall explain whole thing in detail

 

Phirkiram. Thanks sir

 

Seetha. Namste. Thank sir

 

Yadgiri.  Thanks sir. We shall come again

 

Gandhi. OK Bhai. Ham chale ( We  go ) Thanks for listening. By the by I am  Mahatma Gandhi. The father of nation. He is Patel who explained budget. This guy is Nehru

 

Yadgiri. Yeah. We could recognize you. But who is mother. You can not be a fater of a nation without mother.  There are some statues remaining in Hyderabad.

 

Gandhi. What  do you mean by remaining?

 

Yadgiri. Now no one wants your statues. Look old man. Every where, we find Ambedkar. Rajeev, Indira. Now we are having YSR too.

 

Gandhi. Poor YSR. I feel sorry for him

 

Nehru. Bapu. Let us go. Getting late. If we start discussing there is no end. Soon Jagan will emerge. If we delay, some guys may demand tax for   staying  for so long here.

 

Gandhi. True.. Run.

  

( Gandhi. Nehru and Patel walk into distance singing Ramdhun)

    CURTAIN FALLS 

---------------- Note: Content of this blog post is writer's personal opinion and may not be SanghParivar.org or Sangh's view.